The more I travel the more I realize what a California Girl I really am. I love it here, and each time I return I appreciate it that much more. There's always a sense of excitement when I get home to S.F. . I'm enjoying my last couple of weeks here now before I head to Europe for the Summer. Since I got back from the Midwest I got right into the countdown and prep for my next journey, however I'm doing my best to slow down and be here, now.

I've gotten some good news from CT, who was a bit out of commission because of some health stuff that needed to be attended to- but is back on track now. I think that the break actually re energized me about his training and gave me some time to reflect and collect my thoughts about what direction we're heading in for the time being. At this point we've done a lot of bonding, control, and power exchange as well as basic life skills training (getting him in better physical shape for one thing) but now it is time for more structured classic BDSM slave training and I'm excited for it. We also have restructured our routine communications to include an online journal for him that I get to check up on when I feel like it instead of the update emails that he used to send. I like that for several reasons, one being that it gives me feeling of having some power of surveillance over him.

About a week ago, I was invited to attend a dinner celebrating the collaring of Violette Thorngate's servant r. . Myself as well as a couple of other friends of hers who have witnessed r.'s service and devotion over the years were there to witness their connection. We all said a few words about what his submission to her has meant to us over the years, as well as expressed appreciation to him for the ways that he has enriched our dear friend Violette's life. I was personally impacted by r.'s service early on when I first met him (during my first year of sessioning, shortly after I met Violette). Theirs was the first relationship between a pro domme and a client that I encountered which extended beyond dungeon walls and structured sessions into a more devoted and intricate D/s relationship. It gave me a sense, early on, of what it was possible to build.

Tomorrow I'll be arriving home in San Francisco. I'm really beat from a long day at The Art Institute museum here in Chicago as well as hours of riding bikes along the lake. It was a wonderful way to end a lovely visit. Mistress Kendra and I lucked out, as we got to play inside the first few days when it was chilly and rainy and then today when we wanted to spend time outdoors it was all sunshine! Thanks to all of the wonderful submissives who have made this trip so fab.

Unexpected Treats

Columbus has been full of unexpected treats for Mistress Kendra and I. We've enjoyed some really fun double sessions, and have found the city itself to be more lively, relaxing and inviting then we thought it would be. We've managed to find some great food as well! Tomorrow we're off to Chicago- I'm hoping to get in some time at the lake between play... and I actually have not been able to get one particular fantasy out of my head regarding being served in public either lake side or at the pool at our hotel. I just love the thought of laying out and relaxing in the sun with Mistress Kendra and having a submissive pool boy on had to take care of all the little things like fetching drinks, getting towels for us as we get out of the pool, applying sunscreen, foot rubs, and whatever else we may want. He would have to wear a speedo of course, no matter his age or body type, for our entertainment.

Just a side note: I have been lucky enough to get to use my new KTB several times since I got it last week (including a trip to some North Beach strip joints). I am more and more in love with it. I think every woman I know should own one!

a note on Refinement

A potential playmate contacted me recently, introducing himself as "one of the who's who of America" among other things. It became clear through our conversation that we are not compatible in the least. He was looking for a certain form of arm candy that I have no interest in masquerading as, no matter how many chinchilla coats it gets me (especially considering I have less than zero desire for a chinchilla coat). While I love role play I am a really bad faker when it comes to real life out of scene stuff.

I consider myself to have a refined sense of taste as well as social skills and style. As a 22 year old, raised in Los Angeles and educated in the Bay Area this means something quite different to me than it does to many of my submissive counterparts. You all are learning though, and isn't that a big part of the fun?

My knowledge of the history of Hip Hop far surpasses my understanding of Opera. I value integrity infinitely above breeding, or net worth. In most cases, I prefer local to imported. As a teenager I took lessons from Tibetan Buddhist rinpoches, not Cotillion instructors. It has never been a matter of ignorance or lack of access- rather choice. This isn't to say that I can't respect your East Coast blue blooded values, I simply don't share them and will relish our differences (and the opportunity for growth it presents us with) rather than bend to your standards. I hope that you will do the same. Though you may find that bending to my standards can be quite rewarding in certain contexts!

Study Buddy

I have a ton of office-type work to do for my vanilla projects (video editing, drafting/ outlining upcoming events, etc) as well as planning for some kinky endeavors- but I have been having a hard time taking the time out of my busy life to just sit down and plow through it. Lucky for me, the perfect study buddy fell right into my clutches (ahem... I mean lap...)! P. and I have been discussing expanding upon some extended immobilization scenes we've done recently and we decided that it would be the perfect mix, to have him tied up in a leather sleep sack for the day while I get down to business. He arrived and tended to some of my larger rubber bondage pieces that needed some maintenance as we caught up, and then as we set up the dungeon together he taught me a bit about some techniques for creating a more sustainable position that still yields the same results we are going for. One of the things I'm most excited about is the Texas catheters he brought for me. Just one of the many reasons I enjoy playing with P. so much is his ability to communicate clearly about his desires and limits and teach me new things while still slipping into submissive head space and getting right into the scene when the time is right. I also love the way he responds so intensely and well to the strict, sadistic and non-sensual approach I take to his chastity.We're just starting our study date now, perhaps I'll update with more as day goes on. (oh, and my malechastitynow.com Kali's Teeth Bracelet has arrived!)

One hour into the scene, P makes me laugh out loud with the quote of the month (regarding the KTB): "Why did I put this stupid fucking thing on?!"

I got so into my work I forgot to update. The day went perfectly as planned- productive for me and other worldly for P.

Legs

I always feel especially pervy when I'm fetishizing innocent pop stars who are just being fashionable! Some of you already know about my leg fetish. If you can stand the sappy pop ballad (or just mute it for that matter) this video has some amazing moments:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wE-St7cfoKo

Descending into darkness

I meet you at the door, and we exchange our usual pleasantries. Typically, we've enjoyed a meal together and usually shopping as well before play. Today, you've brought a gift tucked discreetly into your duffel bag- which also contains your personal effects and basic overnight necessities (as you are unsure how long you'll be staying and what state you'll be in when I'm finished with you, or where we will be for that matter). You've also brought some of our favorite snacks, so we head up to the kitchen to prepare a platter to bring down to the dungeon. We sit together on the black leather sofa, nibbling from our decadent spread of chocolate, cheese, and fruit and sipping wine. After catching up on each other's latest news we start to talk a bit more about your recent longings. You've told me a bit about your current desires, however as you speak them aloud they become more full bodied. My back straightens and I put down my drink. "Let's get organized, shall we?" You know this means it is time for you to hand over all of your belongings, your first layer of basic power. I remove all that you normally use to move through the world including your phone, wallet, watch, glasses, shoes, and of course clothes. As I slip off your tie you begin to blush. When the smooth leather slides up your arms you let out a little sigh, which excites me....

...Hours? Minutes? It is unclear how long this has been happening to you- you're not sure what it is but you know you want it to stop. As clear as your desire to end the pain is the fact that you have absolutely no power to do so. You've long since given up the futile effort to defensively close your legs. A circular thought pattern has begun 'She would never cause permanent damage. This feels like my cock and balls are burning off. They can't be, she would never cause permanent damage... but it feels like my cock and balls are burning off!' Panic begins to creep up, and just as you let out a guttural cry of fear a moment of relief brings you back down. This not knowing, it brings you completely outside of yourself...

...You're avoiding eye contact, not only with me as commanded, but also with yourself. Instead you try to focus on the shine emanating from my heels and the soothing creamy texture of my stockings. I've got three of my favorite canes laid out and you're going to endure all of them. This time, without the luxury of bondage. You present yourself, kneeling and as I trace the curve of your back lightly with the tip of my cane your breathing deepens. Soon you've bent over, and are lost. The only things that exist in this moment are me, and your pain. Resistance melts away and you find the space between strokes to be lonely- you find yourself begging for more.

My slave CT overcame some personal blocks to make it down to serve me while I was in Portland this last Monday, and I really appreciated the extra effort he went to to break out of his comfort zone a little bit. He demonstrated a lot of discipline and devotion by simply taking it easy and following instructions without getting flustered. After a surprisingly enjoyable afternoon and a bit of shopping we went to a new movie theater, which I am completely in love with now. It is incredibly reasonably priced (only 5$ for new release art house features- half of what you'd pay in S.F.), is really comfy with giant new seating that is very nicely spread out in the small theaters, great pop corn, real chocolate from a local chocolatier, and super nice staff. I rarely go out to theaters because I hate being herded like cattle through the big-yet-cramped, ugly theaters and as much as I appreciate quality and luxury I hate overpaying for things. I enjoyed myself so much that I actually returned the following evening when I was done with all I had to do for the day, and enjoyed Tokyo!

Beyond seeing the usual suspects in Portland I also did an introductory session with a new potential toy which was very satisfying. I'm perfecting a vertical kneeling hogtie and enjoyed implementing it on him. It is a great bondage position both because of the vulnerability it impresses upon the bottom and because of the fact that it gives me a lot of access and I am able to play with them in other ways (including more involved foot and shoe worship). I did some probing and ran tests, as well as snapped several photographs to begin creating a file on him, which he is eager about and is obviously not something I do for everyone I meet.

Tonight I'm off to a private party with Miss Violette, if you are a foot fetish enthusiast you probably already know of it and perhaps I will see you there.

Happy May day, and if you are reading from Berlin- my best wishes for your safety, enjoy your day but avoid the fuss!