l'animal familier irrite

Those of you who read often have probably noticed that I don't write much, if any, negative stuff here. That is intentional, as there are only so many hours in the day and I prefer to spend them thinking about the things that make me go "oooh..." or "wheee!" instead if "ack!" or "argh..." However here I am in Paris, and inspired by the way my French friends and (vanilla) colleagues like to argue and complain about everything in detail (from the temperature of wine degree by degree to the proper way to greet people of different origins) I am going to let you in on my top five (in no particular order) current pet peeves regarding sessioning and BDSM. Some of you have already learned these things first hand. Take heed potential submissives and bottoms:

1. Do not confuse D/s with D/s role play.
If you are new to BDSM it is understandable that you may not know the difference, or that you may not know within yourself what it is that you truly seek, however for experienced players I see no reason to mix the two up. Telling me that you want to truly submit to a Femdom within a temporary TPE context will not make for a great session when in fact what you want is fetish and sensory play within D/s roleplay. If you wish to submit and focus on what I wish to do with you based on my desires and analysis I am delighted to make arrangements to explore D/s together. If you would prefer to explore a specific set of fetish and sensory play activities, and fetishes, within your comfort zone and create a role play scenario in which I take over and inflict said activities as if it was all my idea we could do that instead. However you must be honest about which you want, and which you feel is best for you. If you aren't sure, it is always okay to ask!

2. Do not send extensive/ further emails after we have set a date for a phone consult. Furthermore do not expect me to spend time with you outside of sessioning, especially if we do not know one another.
Certain things are better discussed over the phone rather than email. Beyond the fact that it is disobedient for you supposedly uber submissive people out there, it is simply rude to expect that I spend extensive time corresponding with you or any at all beyond what I specify. I will make it clear when I believe we are ready for a phone consultation, and you must buck up and face the butterflies in your stomach- or hunker down and find a way to create privacy for yourself within your busy schedule (or both for most of you!) and make that call. Do not, instead write lengthy emails further delving into your psyche and kink. Otherwise you likely risk missing out on meeting me. Be comforted in the fact that I am excited to speak to you (I wouldn't have given you my number if I wasn't) and that I will be in a private place ready for our discreet conversation when you call. Along the same lines, do not expect or ask me to have lunch/drinks/dinner with you outside of a session, especially if we have never met! I'm not even going to go into a detailed explanation of that one, I'm happy to pass on those of you who don't understand the why and how of this.

3. If we are out together, tip generously- or I will.
There are those of you who agree with this practice, and those who don't. I won't try to convince you that I'm right but rather ask that you respect/ indulge this preference during our outings. I tip people in the service industry (spa practitioners, waiters, taxi drivers, etc) 20% in the U.S., and 5-10% in Europe (15-20 if the service is exceptional). It is a myth that one doesn't tip in Europe.

4. I expect you to be as discreet as I am.
My privacy is important to me too, as it is to other Dommes. If we are discussing our experiences and sharing details about our past it is one thing, however I do want you to consider the fact that what happens in a scene between two people is for those two people alone. There are some fine lines to be danced around in this regard, as we love to relive and revel in our kinky memories together- but there are clear lines as well, if you and I don't know each other well yet it is best to imagine that whichever Mistress you are speaking about is within ear shot.

5. Make personal calls while I am out of earshot.
I understand that if we are going to spend several days together you may have to make a few phone calls during that time. It is perfectly acceptable, and preferable, for you to excuse yourself to another room while you do so.

*****

Once the arguing and complaining is over, the French are quite fun. Several of the people I have been spending time with are in fact characatures of my American stereotypes about them. Cheese and wine all over the place, openly sexual and sensual in conversation, endearingly lecherous (think Pepe Le Pew), and generally effusive while maintaining an air of snobbery. Imagine the sun setting on a group of about ten women, sitting with windows open to the hot summer breeze and expansive view of the city. The table is 'bordel' with cheese, bread, fruit, nuts, and gazpatcho strewn between wine glasses and bottles. Ashtrays teeter around the edges. The conversation builds, half in English and half in French with translations both ways and spans about a million topics from politics to catacombs, astrology to genetics, publishing to strip joints. I am the youngest, the oldest being about 40 and the rest right are in between. The 40 year old is the most voluptuous while the rest are slender and sleek. It gets louder and louder as the bottles empty. The woman next to me takes a long drag on her cigarette and looks me square in the eye, she asks "Are you having a sex vacation, or no?" I pause, then ask her to repeat, not quite sure I heard her correctly. She clarifies that a friend is interested in me, however not sure if I am available. The particular friend she is speaking about is not attractive to me, though I think she is a fabulous person- and I say so. Across the table another woman stamped out her cigarette, finished her glass of wine, and said "Oh, so we are playing verite ou action?" And with that a chaotic game of truth or dare ensued. Chocolate mouse being licked by several tongues from my cleavage, the bottoms of my bare feet licked heel to toe, the whole room dark and one woman prancing from person to person doing 'as she pleased.' The high point for me though, was getting a delicate blonde to snort blue cheese up her nose. Quite hilarious.

In Berlin with Violette

Yes, it has been a fab week and tomorrow we are off to Paris! A packed social schedule, not as kinky as usual actually- and plenty of sight seeing as well. Having Violette here has been great because it has totally switched me into true vacation mode, whereas although I travel a lot I am always working on one project or another- and though we are busy and I haven't put down my various projects I have still gotten into a really relaxed, playful, and holiday-ey state of mind. We may manage to fit in a visit to Dildo King, the giant sex toy shop, later on this afternoon...

Sardinia - Beauty and Intrigue

My visit to Sardinia was fabulous. I found it to be both beautiful and culturally intriguing. Most of my time was spent in a rural area, with lovely calm beaches. Day trips took me to historical land marks and points of archeological interest (pre-Roman structures) and to the lovely, bustling town of Porto Chervo. The people I encountered and talked to were all pretty politically neutral (when it comes to anything beyond extremely local politics) and Italian-identified, however tell-tale graffitti showed that the stories about Sardinian nationalists/sepratists are not at all false. The old Sardinian flag flies freely all over the island, you can follow that link to read all about the history and contriversy surrounding it- the summarized explination that everyone I asked about it gave me was that it is held over from the Aragonians who are the people who 'first fortified' (eg settled) the island and who defeated the Moors in Spain... These are also people who speak a heavily Spanish-influenced dialect. In any case, I found that there were many layers of culture in each corner and crevace of Sardinia, from the historical mish-mosh to the current day immigration, and migration patterns and travels of the people who live there. Warm, picturesque Mediterran swimming and lounging was not disappointing- I didn't mind the toplessness either! You all know how I feel about food, and I was not let down in that department either. There is a lot more, but you'll have to ask me about it another time because there is much too much fun distracting stuff happening at the moment for me to spend time on the computer!

I'm back in Berlin now for about ten days, awaiting my friend Violette Thorngate's arrival and our trip to Paris together. I'm happy for this time to catch my breath in this increasingly familiar and comfy city- as well as catch up on all that is happening here (and do some laundry...)

Now is a great time to get in touch if you'd like to see Violette and I together because we are in touch and scheduling our time together. Address requests to whomever of us you are aquainted with- or Cc us if we haven't met.

Hope you all are well whever you are reading from!

Fantasy

There is a new submissive who is seeking consideration for training and slavery with me. I am very excited by the possibilities, she is a bright and exciting woman with whom I have many compatibilities. Through her eagerness, my ability to maintain perspective is tested. It would be best for us to lay a solid foundation through a slow build up starting with shorter sessions- however I find myself day dreaming...

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This is how the first day may happen:

Part One: The Arrival

There are a few days in the beginning of August, after my visit to France, which are free. It would be quite possible to set aside five days for intensive training. I have packed light, one carry-on suitcase, however a detailed packing list had been sent to her two weeks ago and I knew that it would be rather uncharacteristic for her to leave anything out.

While I am on the plane from Paris to (Greece? Spain? Southern Italy? Monaco?) she is unpacking. Having arrived two nights and one day before, she has been able to recover from jet lag and mentally prepare for my arrival. Now it is time for her to physically prepare. First she takes all of her things out and arranges them in the drawers and bathroom. Clothes for daytime, and evening wear out on the town all according to a dress code I had set. A bathing suit I picked out, and three different lingerie sets- all picked out by me as well. Books and magazines to keep her busy while I rest, as well as a journal, are set out onto her desk.

Next, she wheels a second suitcase into my suite. Our rooms are adjoining and later once I arrive she will be required to leave hers open to me at all times. "Toys" and other accouterments are put into specific places as per my instruction. Gloves on the night stand, cane and crop on the desk, cuffs in the top drawer, rope at the foot of the bed... and so on. I imagine she would take the suitcase back into her room for storage, and then go back and slowly double check her list. Once, maybe twice. Finally, she takes out another list from her computer bag/ briefcase and heads out to do a bit of light shopping for a few remaining items.

As soon as the adjoining suites are properly prepared for her Mistress (Me!) she would head down to the spa. I want her to have a fresh manicure - pedicure, and for her to be hairless below the neck. She also stops at the salon to have her hair trimmed and blown straight.

I arrive at the airport and as soon as I finish adjusting my lipstick in the bathroom, and slipping on my sunglasses, I find the driver who is waiting for me. He passes me an envelope with two sets of keys, one for my room and one for hers. With a click, I hear the latch give way and I walk into my room.

She is next door, and hears the door shut tightly behind me. The door connecting our rooms is currently closed, and her heart skips a beat as she hears the thud of my bag hitting the floor. Hurrying to close the final clasp on her bra, and pull a dress on over her head, she smears her lipstick.

I quickly strip and jump into the shower for a quick rinse off before slipping into my favorite heels, a loose slip, and a sheer robe. I towel dry my hair, and smooth on the rich dark red lipstick I had on before. A bit of mascara, and my earrings- and then I am ready to settle in.

I walk over to the doors connecting our rooms, and look over my shoulder at the clock. Exactly three minutes past the designated time. Her breathing is shallow and fast as she sits, kneeling on the other side of the door. Her eyes cast down, she does not notice the time. I open the door, and find her there- exactly as I wanted.

Part Two: Work for It or "The Test"

It is no secret that she wants to be used. To have all of her holes filled by me, to be the object of my lust and a source for my physical pleasure. This much is clear. Not only through her words, but through the way her body responds to my touch. Her skin heats up, her muscles tense and relax, her spine curls, and her pussy, ass, and mouth all reach out in whichever direction they are allowed.

The dress she had hurried to put on about one hour earlier, has been forgotten. It lies in a heap on the floor in her room, while she is in mine- arms spread and bound across the desk, knees up on a chair, and ass ever so pleasingly out in the air for Me. The lovely, soft, sheer panties she is wearing have been pulled up tightly to expose her bare cheeks. The pressure on her pussy and ass is almost too much, she is swollen with desire and wants nothing more than for the underwear to be ripped off and to be completely exposed and then of course- fucked.

It isn't time for that yet though. I haven't been satisfied and I am not interested in her momentary desire for sex. No doubt, I plan to use her in that way- but clearly on my terms and only once she has proven herself worthy. I would rather fillet her, than fuck her. I would rather see her split open, heart in my hands, lips on my feet- and mind all my own.

Part Three: Pain and Purity

Her ass is completely raw now, and as I stripped her mind of all else with my cane- I decide to also finally strip her of her remaining lingerie. Creamy, pink pile of skin, meat, and bones at my feet. I take a fist full of her hair and pull her head up bringing her face forward and eyes towards me. She uses the momentum to bring herself to her knees. Arms behind her back, and bare breasts out she no longer pushes out in any direction. I take her breasts in my hands, and squeeze. Opening her mouth, she softly lets out a moan. Sliding my palm out and using my thumb and first finger I take each of her supple nipples and squeeze until that moan morphs into something else entirely.

She suffers for me, and I see her true desires shine through.

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Each day I imagine us being able to move on to another level, to get to know each other in a new way. Mornings, we would have time to privately reflect. She would write in her journal, with a summary of the previous day's events and then perhaps an additional writing assignment. In the early afternoon we would go out and enjoy the resort and sea together. Under strict D/s protocol she would be at my beck and call to do little things like apply sunscreen, or seek out refreshments. We may do some shopping, I would require that she show off as much or as little of herself as I desire. Breasts bare underneath her soft flowing dress, she would be open and available to me at all times. By late afternoon it would be time for intensive training behind closed doors. I would learn her body, and she would learn the proper ways to respond to my various commands.

Each evening, depending on our energy levels, we would celebrate our day of training. I can imagine that some nights she would be pampering me, and others I may be tending to her- licking her wounds after a day I may have gone particularly hard on her.

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Oh, day dreaming! How much trouble it has gotten me into over the years!

Interview from Oct. 2008

Goddess Calico emailed me requesting an interview and I was happy to oblige. I knew it was for the DomBoss.com/messageboard but hadn't joined up there yet. Well, there is now a West Coast board there so I decided to register and I happened across the interview, and it was kind of fun to see what my answers had been. Not that long ago, but a few things have certainly changed/ evolved for me since then. Here are a few excerpts that still ring true:

Goddess Calico -Tell us a little about your background / family.

Tara Sterling - I am very much a Californian. I was raised in Southern California in a Liberal yet grounded and tight knit family. My teenage years were spent both studying as well as gaining real life experience in fields and areas that interested me. I've always been an adventurous person and I've been given a lot of space to live out and explore my passions.

Goddess Calico -Is there any scene You haven't done yet that You would like to?

Tara Sterling - I have a long list of things I want to try! I'll try to think of just a few: I travel frequently to Germany where Bizzarre Rubber is popular but I have yet to play in or try on the large Bizzarre Rubber capes and gowns. There's something fabulously absurd about them and I would love to feel the weight of all of that rubber as well as use it to smother/ indulge a submissive rubber fetishist. I love the outdoors and would really enjoy doing a kidnapping weekend in which I take the captive up to a cabin in the woods outside of S.F. and got to do both indoor and outdoor bondage and torture! Similarly, I'd like to do the same thing by the beach, and do things like water bondage in the surf and ocean (with proper safety precautions of course!). I've never had a submissive worship my boots in public, but it is something I want to make happen some time with the right person, I think it would be an amazing rush for both of us.

Goddess Calico -What is the most intense scene You ever did with a slave?

Tara Sterling - I've packed a lot of intense play into my short time as a Domme, and I think that a lot of scenes have been really intense in their own way. The times I've introduced someone to something new or they've stretched their limits just for me have been the most intense. I think the intensity level comes from my connection with the submissive rather than the severity of the act so it is hard to quantify and pick out just one.

Goddess Calico -What kinds of people come to see you?

Tara Sterling - All kinds! I am open to meeting novices as long as they have good communication skills. I also love playing with experienced, seasoned players. Often people have an idea of something specific within my skill set that they'd like to try, or they have a specific need for discretion and privacy. I also see people who are interested in connecting with another person both in and out of the dungeon.

Goddess Calico -Do you do this strictly for the money? Why? Or why not?

Tara Sterling - I don't think anyone does anything strictly for one reason. We all have a variety of motivations behind our life decisions. I became a professional dominant out of curiousity and a desire to learn more about bdsm in general and myself. I've continued playing professionally because I enjoy the lifestyle it affords me including a flexible schedule, and lots of travel. I love being my own boss! I also, as I mentioned, have a naturally adventurous personality and meeting new people, exploring their deepest fantasies and desires (as well as my own), is very fulfilling and interesting to me. I've also just got a huge Princess side and I feel at home being worshiped and adored by many- which comes with the territory in this business!

Goddess Calico -What do you enjoy about B&D and S/M?

Tara Sterling - I think that BDSM allows for heightened connection with other people through creative and deconstructionist means. I thrive on that connection and both the abstract and sometimes absurd methods used to cultivate it. The fanciful, and the fun, as well as the dark and sharp. I enjoy the rush I get from total control, and knowing that someone has placed that kind of trust in me.

Goddess Calico -What is the most satisfying thing about your job?

Tara Sterling - Being able to rock someone's world, to take them so far into a scene that we really are creating another world together for that moment. I'm most satisfied after I've done that!

fyi dungeon delights promo

Dungeon Delights is running a really nice promo/sale right now and there are a few things I have on my wishlist from their site (primarily the five piece set with spreader bars). Worth checking out!

P.S. All is well- and very busy! I should have time to update by the end of the week though before I head to Sardinia.